"Here lies Walter Fielding. He bought a house, and it killed him."

 In an 80's re-telling of MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOME, Tom Hanks and Shelley Long play a yuppie couple who realize that purchasing your own home, comes with a price! RACCOONS! THE MONEY PIT is one of Hanks' greatest comedies and in this day and age of a major housing crisis, THE MONEY PIT seems even more telling. Forced to deal with shady contractors, runaway wheelbarrows and the rising cost of living, the couple do the unthinkable. They start repairing the house themselves. Their love and lives will be put to the test as they build from the ground up and realize that the American Dream is only possible if you do it yourself. And sometimes you get stuck in a hole in the floor for a really long time!

 Sleazy Carpenter Scene.

New Classics: MAID TO ORDER

MAID TO ORDER by itself has a lot of problems. Two if them NOT being Michael Ontkean (in super later 80's hunk-dome) and the BadMovieArt staple that is Tom Skerritt. One never goes wrong with a Tom Skerritt film. It's a fact. Look it up. The weight of MAID TO ORDER falls on the bedazzled shoulders of Ally Sheedy and for the fact that she looks like she got electrocuted by Number 5, she pretty much pulls her end of the deal. Short and sweet, MAID TO ORDER never realizes its full potential and waste a good chunk of time giving the screen to the rich couple Sheedy is forced to work for. It is kinda like a DOWN AND OUT IN BEVERLY HILLS-esque satire, but not nearly as interesting. Beverly D'Angelo is on hand as the fairy Godmother who just wants to smoke and look good. Understandable. So, what you have on your hands is a charming, brisk and very likable rom-com with an almost butt shot of Michael Ontkean. The TRUE travesty of life is when you get MAID TO ORDER on dvd and you pop it in. I love that it just starts up! No need for a nice menu selection with special features and such. It can't be bothered. If you hit stop, you are treated to what I think is one of the worst DVD menus ever, besides HELLO AGAIN of course.

But enough of that. The true crime committed by the MAID TO ORDER dvd is the cropping of the film. At first, I screamed and pumped my fist in the air. How dare they? Then I started to enjoy the butcher from HOSTEL style cropping. Deena Jones, knows I love a good beheading and MAID TO ORDER was just that for beheading in film enthusiast such as myself. Photos are taken directly from my TV and have been formatted to show all the good cropping in its glory. ALLY SHEEDY AND BEVERLY D'ANGELO DISCUSS NEW BEGINNINGS.

TEDDY WILSON AND HIS CAR.

VALERIE PERRINE AND DICK SHAWN GO DOWN AND OUT.

TOM SKERRITT ALWAYS LOOKS GOOD IN A TUX EVEN WITHOUT A HEAD.

DING! DONG! YOUR DREAMDATE MICHAEL ONTKEAN IS HERE.

I couldn't in good faith, write about Michael Ontkean and not post a photo with a head. You can thank me later.