HIGH OCTANE: SAFARI 3000

The late seventies to mid eighties car chase flicks was catapulted from on the fly Roger Corman movies to the mainstream all because of Burt Reynolds. His Smokey and The Bandit parts one and two and Cannonball Run inspired many a filmmaker to make their own road hog star vehicles. One of the strangest is set on a distant continent where animals and humans must share the land and you never know what sort of exotic location you will run across. Billed as a high adventure and a side splitting comedy, SAFARI 3000 boils down to just one singular question. Can one monkey stop the whole show?


The plot in question is fairly simple. Super simple. a real Git It Girl reporter from Playboy (she writes the words, doesn't do the pictures mind you) decides to do a story on the African International Rally in, yes, Africa. Her job is on the line, because she got arrested for solicitation when she was doing a piece of 'hos. Her boss tosses some cash at her and she is OFF to the Motherland. There she meets a one time Hollywood stuntman, now insane person, who races cars for no good reason and is played by David Carradine. He had starred in over 200 movies before his untimely death in 2009. His films ranged from high caliber character studies to stuff like this. He seems to basically be cashing a check and having a wonderful African vacation. The real star of the movie is Stockard Channing. Naturally, all you can see is Rizzo. And the film is kinda like what you would think Rizzo would get herself into. She cleans up her act a little, goes to jr. college and got an education and landed a sweet job at Playboy as a reporter. Then she gets to go on misadventures around the world. But at lunch she always takes a break and kicks someone off the seats and says, "Sounds like a drag."


Rizzo lands in the middle of Africa and calls her contact. On the other line, her friend is suddenly surounded by guys with machetes and he get his arm cut off. The phone goes dead and Rizzo calmly states, "Operator, I think my party's been cut off!" HAHA!!! THESE ARE THE JOKES!! The good thing is is you can see every single joke coming a mile away, so you are prepared. She runs into Carradine and they do some meet cute stuff and yell at each other to develop chemistry, but then there is a cobra in the car eginine and everyone freaks out. They have to get a new car for the race because the old falls apart. They close the door, walk away and you know it is going to happen. As soon as they are gone, it crumbles. HA!

The great African International Rally is a 3 day course and only 20 percent of all the contestants will finish. The teams are as follows:
The French Guys- They drink wine and eat cheese and talk in a CRAZEE french accent.
The Chinese Guys- They take a ton of photos and talk in a CRAZEE chinese accent. They even have a chinese musical score to go with them when they are on the screen.
Valley Guys- Surfer dudes with a far out vocab and bleach blonde hair.
The Bar Girls- Two best friends who have left their husbands behind.
The Gay Guys- Quote "I'm here for the men!"
The Jocks- I got confused and The Jocks MIGHT be the Valley Guys.
UK Guys- Drink tea and talk in a CRAZEE english accent.
The Bad Guys- Christopher Lee( in Darth Vader drag!) and a henchman.

S3000 is a big budget version of WACKY RACES, but nothing really wacky happens and there really doesn't seem to be a race going on. Carradine and Rizzo seem to have a RENT A COP romance, which is not a good thing, but she confesses to a raunchy past which is ALWAYS a good thing. They are stopped by a Zulu tribe (all with HOT bodies) and then it happens. The movie goes from "on the verge of turning off" straight into the Twilight Zone. And it all is because of one little monkey. Not only does including the monkey become one of the worst things SAFARI 3000 could have done, but it is done without anyone's consent. For the most part, Team Rizzo has a tight grip on the movie. Stockard Channing is trying really hard to bust into leading lady status and she gives it her all in SAFARI 3000, but the powers that be just won't give her a break. All the interior car shots of Carradine and Channing are just them in a car being pulled by a truck. Sometimes it goes at a snails pace, sometimes it goes a little too fast for a car packed with star power. In one telling scene, a monkey jumps into the car. Carradine turns to Rizzo, in what seems to be character, and states, "Toss it out the window!" The car is zooming at this point. Rizzo looks out the window and back at Carradine. She says, "I am not tossing a monkey out of a moving car!" When he agrues, she breaks character and looks directly at the camera, I am assuming thinking she is looking at the director and repeats, "I am not tossing a monkey out of a moving car!" She clutches the squirming monkey to her chest and stares straight ahead. From this point on, the movie becomes a Herzog film. All the actors are tortured and everyone seems worse for wear.

All the supporting cast is dumped. The Bar Girls go all Thelma And Louise on us, the UK guys crash, The Chinese guys get stuck in the water and the others, who knows. We don't see them again. Only Team Rizzo and The Bad Guys are left. At a pit stop, Team Rizzo finds out that they have to share a room and monkeys are not allowed in the rooms. Channing, still clutching the monkey tightly as it tries to squirm away, exclaims, "He is terribly well behaved" and the monkey promptly slaps her across the face and claws at her hair. Proving that he has got to be the worst prop EVER in a movie. She just puts him in her suitcase and sneaks him in. And Christopher Lee sends a lot of time sitting down. He refuses to have a monkey.



45 minutes in and naturally, Team Rizzo fall in love and they have some hot mud play in the jungles of Africa while Channing wears white shorts. Then they full on do it in a hot spring! It seems like the movie has been on for at least three hours now. It is turning into some Gone With The Wind shit. They run into the last king of scotland, but they get away and then we spend a good chunk of the movie watching Stockard Channing take photos. Very exciting. If there is a race going on, I have no idea where they are in the leg of it. It's suppose to be a three dayer, but I swear it has been night at least five or six times. I could be wrong. The great thing about all this driving around and Rizzo taking photos is that the monkey is firmly planted on her head. And she just lets it sit there. She cannot control it and it seems to think Rizzo is it's mamma. At one point, she ties a piece of rope around the monkeys waist and Carradine gives her some shit for it. Totally real stuff not scripted. They drive a little more and then Carradine stops the car for some elephants and steals a kiss. As they passioniately make out, you see the monkey skirt out the window. As the car pulls away, she realizes the monkey is gone and seems to panic just a little. Then pulls the rope and the monkey back in the car. She looks directly at Carradine and says, "Now aren't you glad I tied a piece of rope around him?!" The monkey immediately plants himself on her head and she smiles.

Nothing happens for a long time and I kinda left my body for a little while. Team Rizzo crash into a river, but their car floats. They stand on top of the car. The monkey stands on Channing's head. They have a little bit of a race with The Bad Guys and I don't want to spoil the ending, but they win.

So in a nutshell, this movie will make you crazy. There is something to it that makes you want to finish it, but you don't have to worry about a sequel or such. I am assuming that the movie is called SAFARI 3000, because that sounds more exciting than The African International Rally, but you know what happens when you assume. You make make a monkey out of you and me.


I hope that one day I get to meet Stockard Channing. I am going to ask her about this monkey business.

DON'T: HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP

DON'T FUCK A FISH.

I have a heavy leaning toward aquatic themed films. Ranging from The Deep to The Life Aquatic. There is something about the water and the vastness of it that draws me in. It could be I just love a guy in a hot bathing suit. I guess I am just an old salty gay dog. What I love more than aquatic themed films though is aquatic themed HORROR films. Jaws ushered in a zillion films made on or around the water and one of my favorites is HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP.


Barbara Peeters was a trail blazer in the late 70's/80's exploitation genre. She worked closely with Roger Corman and his New World production company, where she found herself co-directing jiggle worthy sex comedies and working second unit for car chase sequences. But she would earn her name with a trashy little movie about monsters from the deepest reaches of the ocean who have only one mission. Mate!

I love a good fishing village and Humanoids has one of the best. The townsfolk are at war with the Native Americans because a lab upstream is polluting the water and Seagulls are starting to only have one leg. But when a kid gets eaten by something out in the water and all the dogs in the town turn up dead, the citizens realize they are up against something more than just what their prejudices can conjure up.

Cut to a stormy beach and some fun lovin' kids. One hot and horny couple and one lovable goof of a gal. Jerry and Peggy go off to get some hot and sandy sex. They don't return. Jerry ends up with his face gone and Peggy ends up raped and beaten by a seaweed monster.

Toothy and big haired, Dr. Susan Drake thinks she might know what is going on. It seems she has been experimenting with salmon to make them bigger and faster, but the experimental school of fish escaped. Yes they have become bigger, but they have also become smarter, which doesn't seem to be a hard task when it comes to the cast of Humanoids From The Deep. And all this in the mist of the biggest thing to hit the small fishing village since last year. The annual Salmon festival!!!

At the 56 minute mark, the movie turns from toying around and goes into full throttle horror throw down. The partying villagers are all attacked in a massive onslaught of brutality and sea foam. The last thirty minutes of HFTD is so much fun and super scary too! Kids have to do their own stunts, another big haired lady has to fend off the monsters all by herself when they descend upon her house and then there is the business of Sandy a.k.a. Miss Salmon. Linda Shayne, in the biggest role of her career, launches into GIT IT GIRL mode the minute she sees the first monster! Dressed only in a black bikini, high heels, a cheap crown and a sash, she worked hard for the title of Miss Salmon and she ain't giving up the title to some yucky sea monkeys. Oh no, you wanna fuck with Miss Salmon, well you better be ready! I promise you will love head over heels in love with her.

There are so many priceless moments in the last half of the film, you will forget that it took a little while to get to this point. What about a monster attack on a merry go round? What about a woman fighting off the monsters with a baby in one arm and a knife in the other? It's good stuff. By the end, most of the cast is dead and you will never want to order a fish sandwich again.

The movie has such a herky jerky feel to it, that it seems like you are watching two separate visions of HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. Don't worry, you aren't alone. When Peeters turned over her version of HFTD, the producers loved it, but thought it needed something extra. That something extra was boobs and more gore. So you get this weird scenes of sex and violence peppered in, mostly in the first 50 minutes, that don't seem like they belong in the movie. Problem is they are so laughable and stupid, that you don't mind them. Peeters did and tried to get her name taken off the film. I understand. Her fish looking to make babies magnum opus was suppose to be a touch more subtle, but alas, subtlety doesn't usually fill a drive-in. At least she tried and you can see her touches throughout. The scene were Sandy gets dragged across the screen with her hand trying to crawl away in the sand is an amazing shot, but then you see some guy in a green rubber suit humping her. The added in monsters look totally different from the original creatures. Then of course there is Miss Salmon. Was she in Peeters original vision or added in? Either way we win!

New Classics: And God Created Woman (1988)

In 1956 Roger Vadim created a masterpiece of gritty beauty and subtle elegance. His film ...And God Created Woman was a landmark film and one of the best roles for the incomparable Bridgette Bardot.Vadim went on to fuck and fuck over Jane Fonda. Add Blood and Roses, Barbarella and the impressive Fairie Tale Theater: Beauty and The Beast to his resume. But it would be his last film that he would ponder that universal question that never has easy answers. Can lightening strike twice? Could he helm a remake of his classic '56 film? Luckily for his he pursued this dream and brought us And God Created Woman (1988).


This time he would entrust this revision with the ample talents of Babs De Mornay. She is a constant favorite in the house of BadMovieArt. To compare the two films is like comparing a slow, dizzying night of red hot sex to dolphin rape. Both can be polarizing and just as worthy of an examination.

It all starts with a daring prison escape. Babs De Mornay has devised a fool prove plan. She jumps from the roof of the women's prison and lands on the top of a delivery truck. In a move that would have shattered every bone of an average gal on the go, Babs proves just how strong her armour is as she skirts away unnoticed and unharmed. Ah, Freedom! Miles away, she jumps from the moving truck and finds herself in the middle of the desert. Where, we have no idea? Nevada? Southern California? No clue. Yet. She then rips her shirt off and tosses it in the wind. Standing bare chested she turns to the camera and stares off toward the sky. The strange thing is that her face has been painted white. It seems that she somehow took a detour to the set of A Man Called Horse or some shit, but the scene got edited out. Anyway, she manages to flag down a limo, but finds herself heading back to the prison where the owner of the limo had left his briefcase. RATS! He sneaks her back in and states, "Wrong man, right car." Whatever that means.


Babs is determined to return to her cell, but she first stops off for a quick pony ride (see SWEET JUSTICE) with Vincent Spano, who is doing some construction at the prison. As they fuck, the prison warden wanders in, calling his name. She then shakes her head and says, "He isn't suppose to roaming around here alone!" With his red bandanna tied around his forehead and his skoal can outline on the left rear pocket of his Levi's, Spano is dreamboat material! I am officially on board with this film.


So, FIFTEEN MINUTES into the film, a lot has gone down. De Mornay then bust out her guitar and sings her hit new single "Break Down The Walls". Think "The Reach (Do The Reach)" from Valet Girls, but if sung by Lita Ford. She is accompanied by none other than one of my favorite divas, Thelma Houston as The Prison Singer. That is what the credits call her at least. They rock it out with a touch of funk, before the prison warden, "Sounds Like Shit!" . Disgruntled, but not dismayed, Babs hatches a plan to pay Spano five thousand WHOLE dollars to marry her so she can get patrolled. It seems that if someone wants to marry you, the state is a little more forgiving when it comes to patrol. I did not know this tidbits. See, And God Created Woman (1988) taught me something. I wasn't expecting that!

So with her banana clip firmly in place, she kisses her Jill Scott looking cellmate goodbye and the film morphs into Overboard. Spano and his clan are waiting outside the prison for his new bride. Family members include beret wearing Donovan Lietch who we learn can play a mean synthesizer (A CLUE!) and Spano's kid! The child immediately hates the former jailbird and voices his opinion. Babs, never one to be put off by a brat, lashes back and spits, "I finally got rid of my family, why would I want yours!"

So it is family living for Babs and just when you don't think Vincent Spano can get any hotter he does. he promptly chews his new wife out for not wanting to spend the night with him in his bed when she chooses the couch over him. He yells and hollers all while in just a tee shirt and underwear. SUPER HOT! This instantly caused a new fashion trend in my house, because it is a fact that yelling at people is more fun with no pants on.




Babs decides to pursue a music career, but ends up being told that she has a nice ass, but can't sing. Which is true. She tosses a grapefruit at the sleazy music producer and stomps out. Not one to give up so easily, she forms her own band with guess who? CLUES!

It is finally revealed that the film takes place in Santa Fe and completely shot on location. Nothing good comes out of Santa Fe (see the movie Santa Fe) and Spano eats a ton of Kettle Chips and has a family fight over hamburger meat. Babs solves all the problems though with a boom box, a picnic and SALSA! De Mornay practices A LOT with her band and says things like, "Shadow me on the bass" so we know she really is jamming. Having come to a cross roads in her life, she eats a bunch of Almost Home cookies (so symbolic) and smokes a bunch of cigarettes to help her make her decision. It comes to her though. She knows she must do it. Enter her no name band in a trashy country bar's talent show! It does not go well.


When the guy in the limo shows back up and offers her and her music one last chance at freedom, she goes into GIT IT GIRL mode, which means she sticks her butt in the air and acts super annoying to the rest of the cast. But in her last ditch effort for independence, she learns that freedom isn't always free.

What makes GOD CREATED WOMAN (1988) so special is that the pacing will make you crazy. it goes from prison drama to wack-a-doodle rom-com so fast you won't even know what happened until it does. You sit there stunned after jokes don't land and ask yourself, "Was that suppose to be funny?" Then right back into heavy handed drama to a musical.

It is refreshing to see a movie not really care if the audience can follow the plot. It allows you to make up your own storyline. Chances are yours will be more thought out than AND GOD CREATED WOMAN (1988) and involve less cocaine. But it won't be as sexy! Or as many stunts!

HIGH OCTANE: OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE

From the opening credits that feature interlocking fashion blocks with Patti Labelle wailing over the titles to the The Euryhtmics song playing over the end credits, while the two lead actors have a fake fight, you can only feel like you are OUTRAGEOUS!!

Penned by Leslie Dixon, the screenplay weaves a magical tale of blaring plot devices, over the top action sequences and two dueling divas. It's like Beaches on steroids. It's Outrageous Fortune. The action film for gays and moms!!!


Arthur Hiller has always skated around making a hit movie. He even directed the now classic piece of gay cinema, MAKING LOVE. But nothing really ever seemed to stick. That was because he never did a film centered around two divas! And what happened? He nailed it and got a hit movie! Sure it is a paint by numbers film, but Shelley Long and Bette Midler play it to the hilt and really have good chemistry. In the first 20 minutes during some unexpected character building, we see Shelley Long at fencing class, being able to leap the furthest in ballet class and really stink at faking a death scene in acting class. We also get to see Bette Midler scream at just about everyone she comes in contact with and gnaw at every bit of scenery she can get her teeth into. You don't even have to pay close attention to know that all of this will come back somewhere in the film. I kinda wish there was a big red arrow pointing and flashing each time a plot device was happening...but alas. Thankfully, in 1987, they were still making comedies for adults to go see and this film is filthy. It is loaded with dirty talk, swear words, penis jokes and even a hot and steamy fried chicken sex scene between Shelley Long and Peter Coyote.

After Shelley sees her boyfriend, played by Coyote, blown to bits and she delivers one of the best hardcore screams in a film EVER, she learns that he was two timing her with Bette Midler, her nemesis and basic thorn in her side. The two join forces when they both discover that the man in the morgue is NOT their boyfriend( size really does matter when it comes to ID'ing a corpse) and go on a high octane adventure to find out which one of the screeching banshees he loves the most.

Unknown to the gals, the CIA is following them and one of the CIA guys calls it when he looks out the window of his surveillance truck and sees the two ladies having a slap fight and says, "Talk about ding-bats!"

Lots of running, screaming, shooting guns, impersonating cops and general high adventure follows the two as they search for their dream man. But everything changes when they finally catch up with him and he says that he doesn't love either one of them and that he has got them involved in a plot to unleash a chemical called FloraToxic and wipe out the entire state of California. DO WHAT?!!! Wasn't expecting that now were you? HIGH OCTANE!! The ladies learn a little about themselves and form a sisterhood that no man can break and they decide to save the world! GIT IT GIRLS!!!

OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE really benefits from its use of filming on the real streets of NYC and in the desert of New Mexico. It gives the film a grittiness that you don't expect from a film like this and I must say, this film has some of the hardest working stunt doubles EVER! I think about 75% of the movie is stunt doubles and they go full throttle and do a great job of always covering their faces. They even do the scenes of the ladies just arriving to a spot in a cab. Hats off!

By the end of the movie, all the plot devices you saw being developed in the first 20 minutes of the film have all been exhausted to various degrees of execution and the world is save from FloraToxic. Shelley Long graduates from the Royal Academy of Shakespearean Weirdness and Bette Midler learns who Hamlet is.

Outrageous Fortune moves at a neck breaking speed and the two ladies are such fun to watch that you almost hate the movie when George Carlin shows up as a drunk field guide. The movie is on this crazy snowball roll down a hill and Carlin kinda slows it up for about 20 minutes. But you do get to see the girls shop in a ye olde time general store and find form fitting outfits with matching shoes!

It's a pretty safe bet, that Long and Midler hated each others guts while making this film, but it works to their benefit, because the energy between them sizzles. Sadly, there was never a sequel made.....


****SIDENOTE*****
A true diva action film!
Both Shelley Long and Bette Midler were promised top billing when they signed to do the film. Neither one wanted to give up top billing to the other. So west of the Mississippi River, Long got top billing and Midler got top billing east of the Mississippi.

HIGH OCTANE: Hard To Kill

After the modest success of his first film, ABOVE THE LAW, America thought it was a good idea to let Steven Seagal make another movie. And everybody WON! Seagal became a household name and movie goers got to see what Kelly LeBrock looked like after Weird Science. Still beautiful, of course. It was like a really good Xmas gift from Steven! THANKS!

"You can take that to the Bank!" is a slogan that will gain more and more importance as the movie continues, so put that in the parking lot for a little while, but don't forget about it. Seagal is a cop with a camera and a tape recorder and he has caught some evidence. But because he can't stop externalizing his inner thoughts (which he does the whole movie) the bad guys are onto him and catch him snoopin'. Able to track him down easily enough and murdering his entire family then leaving him for dead, the bad guys WON! YAHOO!

But like Destiny's Child says, "No, No, No!" Seagal awakens from a coma seven whole years later and no one has aged! Lucky for us Seagal is HARD TO KILL.


Seagal isn't alone though. He has his sexy, sexy nurse, played by Kelly LeBrock, who is one of the most beautiful women in the world if you ask Pantene haircare. For seven years, she has coo'ed in his ear, tickled his toes and basically sexually molested him. When he awakens and spills his secrets to her, she launches into full on GIT IT GIRL mode and bust him out of the hospital in what can only be described as a 9 TO 5 escape scene. LeBrock is a breath of fresh air in this movie and really does add something to the film. The chemistry between herself and Seagal is like cold boogers on a paper plate though. AND they were married when the movie was filmed. They kinda act like they hate each other, which is what i expect if you were married to Seagal for more than two years.

So now in hiding and fully functioning motor skills, The two manage to keep on step ahead of the bad guys, fall in love, have a boring sex scene, get most of the cast murdered and this is all within a one hour time frame. Did I mention that LeBrock is in GIT IT GIRL mode?! She does not stop and even calls herself a moving target! YES! I love moving targets!

I think that the script is suppose to have some humor in it and Kelly does manage to nail a chuckle here and there, but Jesus! Seagal is DOA in the humor department, which sorta is funny in its own way, but not really. His cockiness sure isn't funny and his ponytail isn't funny. BUT then there is the business of him running. To watch him run is comedy GOLD! He looks so uncomfortable and super afraid that his body might "jiggly" a little. I like a little chunk on a man, but if you got it, you better fucking OWN THAT SHIT! Don't play me cheap with black clothes and sucking in your gut and holding it while you try to run. Tighten those abs and hold it, girl! Don't breath! Steven! Let it go! Be free!!!

Everything comes to a slam bang finale when Seagal hears a senator's ad campaign on TV and the phrase "And you can take that to the bank!" Memories flood back and Seagal remembers everything!!! HOORAY!! BAD GUYS LOSE!

Then he utters what is possibly the best line in HARD TO KILL and there are many. "I'm going to find you and kill you and you can take that to the bank! THE BLOOD BANK!!"" KICK MOTHERFUCKING ASS!!! Seagal wins my heart! And he sets his plan in motion to do just that.

Seagal became the stuff of early 90's action lore. With a string of hits and a TONS of direct to video movies, his following is still going strong. Proving that even though his acting is cardboard, his martial art skills are on par with my grandmother and his ponytail never loses its shape, his film career is hard to kill. Seagal went on to lose my heart after Lebrock claimed that he kinda beat the shit out of her and treated her like garbage while they were married. Very charming. It is hard to get on my bad side, but beating up Kelly LeBrock will do it. Who the fuck does that?! ASSHOLE.

GAY CINEMA: CANDLESHOE

It's true. Jodie Foster can do anything. And she has been able to do anything for a long time. For the early part of the 80's, she was considered just another child actor, but there was something to her. Then she pulled out all the stops and snatched herself a trophy for THE ACCUSED and cemented herself into A list status, where she got complete control of her career and got to choose what projects she wanted to work on. Smart lady. Interestingly enough, she has ALWAYS got to pick and chose her movie choices! She actually turned down a major role in PRETTY BABY to make CANDLESHOE and was able to grant the world what it truly wanted. The first ever lesbian kid movie. Little lesbians rejoiced!

Jodie is able to full convey her character within the opening credits of the movie. She is basically a full on nightmare. Raised in the streets, she trust no one and doesn't own anyone any favors. This Disney fused kiddie movie, has something that just about all the other Disney films of the 70's lacks. Grit. There is some real TAXI DRIVER/MEAN STREETS grit to the first half of CANDLESHOE. A hustler wants to use Jodie in an Anastasia-esque scheme to get inside the house of CANDLESHOE and steal the treasure. Problem is he only has one clue and a troublesome pre-teen to go on. When Jodie sasses him, he full on slaps her. HARDCORE. She agrees to the scheme and dons a dress in one of the most uncomfortable moments in Disney history. She does get a good meal though. So with the first clue to the treasure of CANDLESHOE and a couple of pairs of sensible shoes, Jodie sets off to cheery olde England to have herself a grand adventure.

She weasels her way into CANDLESHOE, but raises a few eyebrows with the orphans that run amok on the property. David Niven plays a the cranky, but with a heart of gold housekeeper and Helen Hayes is on board as the lady of the manor. Helen goes gangbusters on this movie. She ain't playing. The chemistry between herself and Jodie is golden. Two amazing actors distanced only by their age totally hold their own with each other. Bowls of rice pudding and a couple of cherry colas later, Jodie is onto the series of clues that just might make her a fortune with CANDLESHOE.

Head girl orphan is not about to let some street trash from America come in and ruin her good thing has a full on brawl with her. "I guess I better go see what is stirring up the chickens!" As they fight, we are treated to a great rolling down a hill sequence. Toss in some Kung fu and I'm sold! The girls form a silent bond and decide to be frenemies, which is always hotter than just friends.

As the mystery deepens, we begin to realize that life at CANDLESHOE is not all just fun and games, you gotta work it if you want to live there. And just when you thought you couldn't handle anymore of the David Niven/Helen Hayes scenes (so boring), Jodie has to make one of the toughest kid choices EVER! The movie hits the hour and fifteen minute mark and goes full title boogie til the conclusion. I love a good Helen Hayes stunt double. I think Jodie did her own stunts or the dude playing her stunt double is her doppelganger.

CANDLESHOE is so refreshing. All the other 70's Disney movies get stuck in some weird time warp and seem so old fashioned, but getting a lesbian teen to solve a mystery is always a good way to win over the kids. CANDLESHOE is also very empowering for the gay community because it does not rely on the easy plot point of having a love interest. Jodie has NO time to get involved with romance. She has a treasure to find, secrets to keep hidden and a lot of teen angst to work through. Oh, and she did this movie AFTER TAXI DRIVER!!! That deserves a big ole GIT IT GIRL!

I do miss the old Disney VHS boxes.