Saturday, June 5, 2010


There are moments in your life that are so shocking and groundbreaking that you cannot even believe it is happening as it is happening. You know one of those moments that you look back on and say, "Who knew that was going to have such an impact on my life." One of those moments happened to me last night. It has a name. MANNEQUIN 2: ON THE MOVE aka MANNEQUIN: ON THE MOVE.

It has been a long time since a movie stopped me dead in my tracks and made me reevaluate everything that I hold near and dear to my heart. The last movie to have this effect on me was a film called MEGAFORCE, but I don't even think that can compare to the beauty of M2:OTM. I am not one to go around and start shitting on the original MANNEQUIN. I know that it has a huge fan base and is beloved and I thought it was great when I was a kid. I have tried to fall back in love with it over and over as an adult, but the pull is gone for me. Andrew Mccarthy seems like he is high on a coke bender and acts like a functioning alcholic. He has lost his super dreamy feel and kinda seems to hate his life and the movie. The original seems to drag a little too much, but the beginning and ending are great. And of course we can never ever get HOLLYWOOD out of our minds. It's fun to see Kim Cattrall paying her dues...but that is where the fun ends..there isn't any real magic to it...But fear not! The sequel takes everything that the original lacked and cranks it up to 10,000 volts!!

Andrew is out and William Ragsdale is IN!! William is kinda under the radar, but those who love and adore FRIGHT NIGHT and FRIGHT NIGHT TWO know all about him. He is a super hunky fella with a killer smile and can wear a pair of jeans like nobody's bizness. He approaches his lead role with the same sort of wink/smile that he did in the FRIGHT NIGHT movies. He knows what sort of movie he is in and he goes for it. The entire movie depends on him laughing with the audience and he pulls it off.

Then there is the always hardworking Kristy Swanson.

Kristy is the 80's Linda Blair. She is alway there for us. From seducing Ducky onto the dancefloor in PRETTY IN PINK, to almost fucking her brother in FLOWERS IN THE ATTIC, to proving that she is the original and still the best Buffy the Vampire Slayer around. She is always having a good time. She brings to the role, few female actors her age can do. Her AMAZING mime skills. These were learned on the set of Wes Craven's fucking awesome movie DEADLY FRIEND, where she had to play a robot. A robot that kills people, but still a robot. She even had a mime coach!! Oh joy of joys, when she freezes into M2:OTM poses. Kristy. I love you.

As if the movie couldn't get any better, the director of MAC AND ME and the FOUR writers, count em, FOUR WRITERS include three muscle hunks with bulging packages and the outline of their penis in their spandex pants, a MASSIVE hat montage (which is a staple of a great movie) and some of the worst wigs this side of SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY.

Somehow the filmmakers got Meshach Taylor back for the sequel. It seems that something was lost in the editing process, because it seems like the film was suppose to be centered around his super homo character HOLLYWOOD!! He even gets to turn into a mannequin! A fucking Hollywood Montrose mannequin. You cannot ASK for shit like this to happen. Life is good.

M2:OTN delivers one of the best chase sequences ever when Ragsdale and Swanson board a suped up go cart and drive through a huge department store, down a flight of stairs, crash through a picture window, down a busy Philly street, under an 18 wheeler and finally end up at in the 'burbs. The best part is that Kristy parks it and later we get to see a meter maid giving her a ticket!!! A fucking ticket!! Once again, joys that you cannot even ask for. I think i screamed all the way through this sequence. All this after a hat montage. This movie was out for blood!

And then it happens. We get a fucking dance number! But not one dance number. But two dance numbers. It was like someone called me one the phone and asked me what I would like in a movie and I jotted down a list and they just created a film for me! Only if there was a good beheading, then it would have been perfect. But, we do get to see a male mannequin that everyone thinks is a real person get tossed off a building into a crowded street. The best part is that all the extras just continue to shop and go about their business, while in real life everyone would be freaking the fuck out!

I don't care what you have to do or how you go about it, but you NEED TO SEE M2:OTM.

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