Saturday, August 14, 2010


Now I love a Mississippi girl. Always will. I always cheer for Miss Mississippi during Miss America, even if she doesn't make the top ten or she screws up her talent section. Mississippi girls gotta stick together. There are tons of famous Mississippi gals. Oprah of course and there is Brandy, Parker Posey and Finn Carter. Finn is kinda under the radar, but was a steady working actor for two decades. Her most noted role was the female lead in TREMORS with Kevin Bacon (hunk! then..) and Fred Ward (hunk then, hunk now!). I always thought she would go on to do bigger and better things, but she stayed just a working actor. But in 1992, all those Finn Carter fans got a wish that would come true. She starred in a film called SWEET JUSTICE and it is just that! SWEET!

Finn Carter plays Sunny Justice. She is a tough gal. She is a championship lady boxer, ex army brat and all around bad ass. She wears a short cropped hair-do and black spandex ALL THE TIME. She doesn't take any shit from anyone and pays the rent by beating the shit out of men in the boxing ring. A very fragile flower of a woman. Her sister on the other hand, Mayor Justice is a very pretty lady with some of the worst acting skills around. Think porno acting and you will understand. Mayor Justice is just that. A mayor of a small californian town called Los Olivos. She is crooked though and is letting peeps dump toxic shit in the town's water for untraceable cash! Very un-justice like if you ask me. And she is having an affair with the town sheriff, played by Marc Singer.

If you are watching a movie and Marc Singer is in it then you know you are in for a good time. Singer never backs down from a role and plays each with a style and vigor that is unmatched. He and Mayor Justice have a torrid sex scene in a barn where Singer takes the mayor on a ponyride. No, not an actually pony! He drops his pants, hoist her up and gently saddles her on. It is just that shocking. Promise. THEN! He proceeds to walk around with her riding him. It is just that shocking. Thankfully, it is over quickly and it was between two consenting adults.

The next day, Mayor Justice gets murdered, Sunny comes back into town for some SWEET JUSTICE! Giving the once over to sheriff Marc Singer, who is no help, she ventures off to see her yoda, played by Mickey Rooney. A movie ALWAYS turns on you, when Mickey Rooney shows up. He gives her some sage advice and then some thugs bust in on his place and we get to witness one of the best examples of SWEET JUSTICE ever. Mickey Rooney gets punched in the face. Everyone WINS!!

Sunny Justice calls her best gal pal and utters eight words that will change the landscape of the film. "I want to put the squad back together!" SQUAD?!!!! Did she just say Squad?!!
Suddenly, tons of girls appear on the screen in various locations around the world. Minds get blown in the montage of all different types of ladies dropping everything and joining Sunny! A weapons expert! a karate master! A bomb specialest! And then it happens. All the girls go to a bar where the last of their squad member works. On stage is a girl with blonde Crystal Gayle hair in a black sports bar and fish nets stockings. With a CHAIR!! She dances to a FlashDance rip off song and works the crowd of blue collar 60 somethings into a mild frenzy. Once the dance is done (it takes a while), she bounds off the stage to the ladies and they start ribbing her about the dancing. She turns to all of them and states, "You think i dance for those people?! When I dance, I dance for myself!" and storms off! AWESOME! She quickly apologized too and all is forgiven and she leaves the stink hole behind.

We get a really good training montage(God bless a montage) and we get some nudity tossed in from most of the girls, including Finn! GIT IT GIRL! This montage really does teach us all the GIRLS RULZ!

The movies blazes ahead with all the girls using their special powers to kill all the bad guys, having a diva showdown with Marc Singer and losing a member(I don't remember which one, but I think it was the drunk one). The ending is bittersweet and everyone learns a valuable lesson about something important and the most beautiful ballad ever called, "The Glory of it all" by Shelly Cameron runs over the end credits.

Sweet Justices does have lessons hidden within the plot and structure of the movie and you don't have to look very hard.
1. All houses in Los Olivos do not ceilingsa and all the interiors look like they were all in the same warehouse.
2. All the floors have pieces of tape to make sure all the citizens hit their mark when they are talking to each other.
3. A dog can kill you if it latches onto your forearm and DOESN'T bear it's teeth. You won't bleed, but you will die!
4. Frank Gorshin looked hot in his Riddler costume back in the day, but sometimes the Riddler suit does make the man.

5. Girlz Rulz!!

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