Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Do you like Montages? I love montages. They usually speed the movie along at a neck breaking speed and fill in a lot of plot and characterization all while the actors try on hats, fall in love, clean a house, learn a new skill or practice for the BIG SHOW. In the first of my film entries deciated to the high octane genre of Action, FEDS proves to the movie going audience that not just one montage is good enough, you need at least three!

They let women in the FBI? When did that start?! Oh yeah, when Rebecca De Mornay and Mary Gross enrolled. Babs De Mornay plays a tough as nails ex-marine who enlist in FBI school to prove something to someone and maybe prove something to herself. What that really is, the movie never expands on it. Mary Gross is the shy, nerdy roomie who knows all the answers to textbook stuff, but needs to pack on the muscle and the heat that being an FBI agent requires. Can the two women help each other out in the male dominated world of FBI school? Can they do it all under 88 minutes and still graduate with honors? I bet a montage here and there will help!!

Pacing is definitely not the problem with this film. It MOVES! ZOOM! Right by you. Things happen, lots of things don't happen, but I promise you will come to a crashing halt once Babs De Mornary gets herself in a pizza eatin' contest! Using her woman powers and a little help from her roomie/teammate/partner/friend she basically cheats and win! Go TEAM! YAY FOR WOMAN POWERS!

Time passes, and the gals are still in FBI school. Things happen. Things don't happen. Babs De Mornay gets an F on a pop quiz and looks shocked. Mary Gross falls in love with one guy, gets over him when Babs gets interested in him, meets a cute FBI nerd and they fall in crush. And they are still in FBI school. BDM has to go on a date and wear a dress! Which leads us to the best scene in the film and the third of many montages. Try on Dress montage!!! Shopping!! BIG MISTAKE!!! HUGE!!! Actually, BDM is less charming than Julia has ever been. She goes on her date and looks amazing after trying on ten or so different dresses for our montage viewing pleasure, but cuts it short when her beau starts reading Mary Gross to flith. SISTERS UNITE!!!

Nothing happens some more, then they graduate and are unleashed onto the real world. It seems like tons of stuff got the once over during editing. Some scenes feel like they were filmed months after the original shoot. Hair changes ever so slightly and everyone seems like they are just going through the paces. The movie really does rest on BDM's shoulders. She treats it like a private benjamin esque type of role. The problem is that BDM really can't pull off the lovable/cute goof. She is a little too intense for that. Her intensity would pay off in a couple of years though, when she fucking nails the character of Peyton in the modern day classic HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE. She comes off kinda awkward and stiff. None of her jokes land right, but none of the jokes are really funny, so there you go. Mary Gross lands her jokes, with a wit and dry delivery and yet the jokes STILL aren't funny.

FEDS makes me feel funny. I want to like it. I really do, but it just won't let me like it. It's too slow for a comedy and too fast for a drama. It is lost in it's own world and I feel like the makers of the film just wanted a cheap ass girl version of POLICE ACADEMY, but all they got WAS a cheap ass girl version of POLICE ACADEMY. If you like being bored to tears and wishing for your life back, then FEDS is for you. But I warn you...when you see the words MAWBY'S BAR, you have only 17 minutes of the movie left and you will suffer for sitting through it. The warning is out there, if you choose to ignore it, then you do so at your own risk.

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